How to win an argument? [blog]


Andraz Krzisnik
How to win an argument? [blog]

Have you ever asked yourself, how would a certain situation turn out if you won that argument that made you sooo mad, you couldn’t even think straight?

Do you think you would feel better if you trampled your opponent with facts and truth?

Winning an argument leaves you with an empty win, resentment and bad atmosphere. Why? Because you can’t win an argument. If you lose, you lose and if you win, you lose. We, humans, are emotional machines and when we argue, we will try to either save our face or assert dominance over our opponent. All this leads to uncomfortable atmosphere which leaves either you or your opponent feeling inferior and hurt. We all want to feel important and because of that, we often don’t even try to understand how our opponent feels.

How would you feel if the tables would have turned?

You can avoid arguments by understanding or trying to put yourself in other persons shoes, because under the exact same circumstances, you would be there, staring into an angry face that is ready to demolish you. You can’t reason with a person in a state like that. 100% of the time, arguments that are ended in fury, leave resentment from both sides long after.

You can’t please everybody, but you can at least try to understand different positions and views that other people have.

You probably heard of a saying “be the bigger person”, which does not mean you should stuff all the hard feelings deep down, but rather you take the initiative to resolve the problem at hand peacefully.

How to control the situation?

Calm your tone of voice, never shout. You can’t expect from the other person to sit there quietly and do nothing. Every action has a reaction and the severity of your actions will most likely provoke your opponent to do the same, if not even worse.

If other people are shouting doesn’t mean that you should do the same. Here’s where the “bigger person” comes in. You have to have a higher tolerance and composure than that of you opponents, if you are aiming to control and resolve the situation peacefully.

If you screwed something up and someone didn’t like it, you make sure to confess quickly and don’t let your ego get in the way. It is in our nature to defend ourselves. Even if we know we are at fault, we will do everything to save our dignity, even go beyond reason.

You will reach peace with your opponent when you reach his reason. You will do that by stopping putting fuel to the fire and let the flame die out.

Agree to disagree, order a cold beer and part ways in peace.

There is also a book I would like to recommend to you, it’s called How To Win Friends And Influence People by Dale Carnegie.

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